Though Experienced with Dis-ertations, Dissertations Are New

A Powerful Beginning

Pending passage of comprehensive examinations, I’m on to my dissertation. Though not technically approved yet, my plan is to write a piece for chamber orchestra with narrator, 4 singers, and electronics (likely restricted to recorded readings and possibly some sort of radio transmission – still sorting this all out, of course). The subject of the piece is the universality of war, and the plan is to have the first movement deal with war games that children play, the second movement with letters from war, and the third with last letters and a battle scene of sorts.

I’m just in the beginning phase of trying to locate sources and my first evening’s research landed one true gem:

Andrew Carroll. War Letters: Extraordinary Correspondence from American Wars – pg. 318-319

November 3, 1945 – Letter from Sgt. Richard Leonard to Arlene Bahr

War is all phony in the first place – I know that now. It’s just the vested economic, political, and military leaders of the world fighting for personal prestige and fortunes at the expense of their citizens. I believe that common people the world over share the same dreams of peace and security. I mixed quite thoroughly with German POW’s, and now the Japs. I’ve been to their homes for dinner and crowded into streetcars with them – and I find them as human as any people I’ve seen.

I don’t think I’ve been taken in too easily. I’m pretty skeptical by nature, but who am I supposed to hate? Can I hate the boy who ran along side my train window for 50 yards to pay me for a pack of cigarettes that I had sold him just before the train left the station? Can I hate the old man who took us to his home for dinner and made us accept his family heirlooms for souvenirs? Can I hate the kids that run up and throw their arms around me in the street? Or a Jap truck driver who went miles out of his way to drive me home one night? Or the little girl (about 4) who ran up to me and gave me her one and only doll for a present? My answer is that I can’t. This may all be a big show of phony hospitality, but if it is the players are all expertly rehearsed. Personally I don’t believe they could fake the basic emotions with such perfection. I could be awfully wrong, but I have tremendous confidence in the common man of any country and the Jap is no exception.

It would have been easy for me to hate blindly. I hated their guts when they killed my brother a year ago, but hate leads only to more hate and it’s only if we can get together – work and live together – and develop confidence in each other that there is any hope of a better tomorrow. Sure, we’ve go to occupy their country – watch them – but at the same time we’ve got to help them and do everything possible to reconstruct them as a peace loving nation. It can and must be done through the common man, by elimination of imperialistic industrialists. They are the ones I hate, not the Jap who is farming or working for his family security – not even the ones who sank my brother’s submarine. They were just the pawns in the big game, it is the big men at the top in industry, trade, politics, and the military that we must hate and punish – and eliminate. Our building for a better world must begin at the bottom with you, me, and ordinary people all over the world. Capitalism is fine if the people have sufficient checks on the bosses – it can and does work well in our country, but we must work from here on to see that the interests of capital and humanity are the same, not merely manifestations of the financial lust of a greedy minority.

Whoa, babe, it’s taps time. Sorry the liter has been so long, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately and had to share my conclusions with someone.

 

Thanks for the picture.

Be good, and write some more,

Dick

I have a feeling that this project is going to be difficult and incredibly rewarding. Moreover, I get the sense that it is going to – in some way, however big or small – change me. It’s hard to imagine a more exciting way to begin.


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The Waiting Games

Time is a Sphere, Not a Cube

Today was a day that was loaded with meaning and learning. It began on something less than a positive note. I woke up to find that I’m still sick, and worse than I was when I made the foolish bedtime wish that I’d wake up well. Then, after I shut off my phone alarm, I saw that I had five  e-mails, which is three more than I usually do. There were the obligatory Groupon-esque e-mails about things that interest me not at all. A UT e-mail. And an e-mail from a composition contest. Again, I made the mistake of briefly hoping that this was the time that my work would be recognized, and, of course that is not what happened. Beginning the day with rejection is never the best. But let me backtrack a little.

Curving is Bending, Not Breaking

Those of you who have been reading the entries on the site might be aware that I recently had my DMA Composition Recital, which would indicate that I was nearing the end of my program. This past Saturday, I finally completed my coursework, with a 4:45 AM period at the end of a short paper, and a 4:29 PM handing in of a final score ID exam. With that, it was done. Then began the waiting.

In a sense, I’d been waiting already for years. From the day we decided that I would go to graduate school to study composition, we knew that it was a quest that would be meaningless if it weren’t seen through to completion. That would require a commitment of a number of years, and we would grin and bear it. I still have to take and pass general comprehensive exams, get confirmation that I’ve passed my specialized comprehensive exams, and do that whole icky dissertation thing. But the part of my education that requires me to stay up all night reading, miss out on family time because I’m doing homework, and have a ridiculous schedule because I have to get to and from campus for class is all done. It’s like a reclamation project that actually worked.

Grades, though not really important, are sort of the only thing I have at this point to tell myself that I’ve done well. For whatever reason, I’ve been passed over for a variety of opportunities and have not yet even been so honorable as to gain mention in a competition. More than once I’ve felt patronized and/or written off by my peers and mentors. But I’ve always retained a degree of confidence in my ability to learn and in my intellectual capacity, and the only metric for this has been grades. Today, I was waiting for the final grades to be reported. This is a CTRL+R ritual that is riddled with anxiety, self-doubt, overconfidence, and more than a little irritation at how long it takes for the damned things to be done. It took on a bit of a special import this time because I knew this would be the last time I’d wait for grades like this, because anything else that I take is Pass/Fail. At 6:00 PM, still nothing, and I thought I’d have to continue to wait another day. It wouldn’t be the first time, right?

All’s Well That Ends Well (It’s a Play By a Guy)

I was still at the office and done for the day, so I played some NBA Jam. Really, the place that I work is the best. At any rate. Emma called and let me know that she was going to be there to pick me up, so I went to shut down my workstation and thought I’d check my grades just one…more…time. They were in. They were real and they were spectacular. Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement. But I could not have done better, so it’s more of just a statement, on the level of, rather than over or under. The nerdy pleasure was mine, then, to calculate my final GPA for my doctoral program. I’m conflicted about posting it, because that would be perhaps a bit uncouth. However, in the picture below, you have all the information that you’d need to figure it out, if you’re curious. Like I said, it’s all I have, and I received it today.

Unexpectedly, I also received some other things for which I’ve been waiting. A Lego Star Wars game for the XBox, for example, had been mentioned as being a possible “welcome to the XBox club” gift by a friend of mine at work and months passed without evidence that there existed such a thing. It was, like Billy Dee Williams has become, invisible. Yet today, the kindly donor brought the game and there was much rejoicing.

As is befitting someone of a certain degree of musical elitism, though unbecoming of a hipster, I am a fan of Radiohead. I started listening at Kid A and have loved everything else since, in addition to the previous albums which I adopted in the aftermath. Pablo Honey can bite me, not interested. So, when they released the pre-sale for The King of Limbs, I went all out and bought the lossless audio files, CD, LPs, and artwork. It was a lot of money, but I have never felt let down by their work. I loved the album that was initially released, which appears not to be a universal sentiment. I argue that it’s more readily appreciable as a very well-crafted album of electroacoustic music rather than rock songs. Some of the mixing and sound manipulation is just exquisite. Yet, I digress. I splurged on this back in January or February, whenever it was available. Today, the parcel arrived in the mail.

At about the same time that I made that purchase, Adele’s new album, 21, was made available for streaming by NPR and it was obvious that it was destined to become a classic. Her voice suited the songs perfectly and the songs were of a caliber far exceeding what has become the norm. Certainly none that I feel compelled to skip, and several that I have already heard a hundred times and would gladly hear a hundred more. I pre-ordered the CD and also bought tickets for Emma and I to go see her live here in Austin in June (this was again, back in February or some similarly medieval time). The CD came, but the tickets did not. Today, they were in the mailbox.

This picture embodies a great day, and it is nothing to do with the things themselves, but what they each signify. I was speaking with a new friend the other day and when I told him that I’m an incredibly happy person, he expressed that that’s not necessarily how I come across sometimes. Believe me, though, my life is a boundless joy and I have decisively won the Waiting Games.

What Winning Looks Like

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We Don’t Keep Score. We Keep Records.

DMA Recital Recording

All of the pieces from the recital have been uploaded now. I am providing links the files here so that it’s easy to get about between them. Also, these posts allow for sharing on facebook/twitter, so if you feel thusly moved, go for it.

Danger Passes

Lost Loves (Jack and Kate)

Pieces

We’re History

Enhanced Interrogations of Piano Technique

Dear Lieder

Any Little Thing (für Sechs)

Joy. Even Against Night.

Thank you so much, and I hope that you enjoy the music!

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Gratitude

Reciting the Versus

On Sunday May 1, I presented my DMA Composition Recital at the Butler School of Music, University of Texas at Austin. The recording is still forthcoming, but one of the pieces was an electroacoustic work that I have uploaded here. The program for the recital is also available.

There are few professional or academic joys that rival the experience of working on my music with talented performers. These individuals willingly sacrifice their time for practice, rehearsal, and performance. Moreover, they offer their considerable skills and abilities to the task of bringing music to life which has no authority or validation but that I, clearly a biased party, intimate that it has some worth.

It is hard to objectively judge the success or failure of an evening’s performance of one’s own music, in part because the breadth of expectations and concerns is so broad. Moreover, as the only person who knows what every moment is supposed to sound like, a composer has the unique position of being able to aurally identify errors to which the audience is likely to be oblivious. There were very few of these, and none that I believe anyone else noticed, which is quite a testament to the performers as my music has a tendency to be, if not intrinsically difficult, challenging to put together in an ensemble.

So, I will be glad for the friends and colleagues who came, and forever indebted to the players who brought the music to life. It truly moved me, and I sincerely hope that as the audio becomes accessible, it might come to mean something to you, too.

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I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I.M. Posters

I am only an “artist” in the kind of obnoxious and incredibly free interpretation that the term has been afforded in recent decades. This is why, when it came time to develop promotional materials (fancy word for flyers, posters, and postcards), I did not want to botch the whole thing by trying to make something happen on my own. Fortunately, I am privileged to work with a number of talented people who were willing to help transfer my concept from the ridiculously interior realm of “concept” into the visible, tangible, real world domain.

Posters for recitals of academic music tend to be fairly uniform in their design, with some variations. If there is an image of the “artist”, it is likely to portray one of the following:

  1. The artist in the act of performance or in proximity to standard symbolic representations of a particular craft (a violin, a pencil and manuscript paper, in the environment of a music studio – indicated by a piano and a disorganized mess of scores, all by dead composers)
  2. The artist in an expressively serious portrait that is appropriate to the serious nature of the music that they will present as well as the serious expense of professional headshots
  3. The artist in an artificially candid or “fun” portrait, doing something unusual with his or her instrument, or otherwise indicating a degree of calculated remove from the “stuffiness” of academia/art music/serious portraits

Obviously, these approaches are functional and effective, otherwise they would not have become so thoroughly responsible for clothing cork boards and other bulletin boards which would be left to brazen nakedness in their absence. However, as the supposed intent of the promotional materials is to both alert the public that a recital is predicted to exist and, more importantly, to entice indifferent or ignorant passersby to attend the recital, these models become problematic.

Since they are so thoroughly circumscribed by an accepted visual grammar and syntax, such posters have become rather like optical Muzak, allowing those who see them to acknowledge their presence without referring to or retaining their content. In an effort to avoid this trap, some individuals elect to use bright, colorful art or glossy color images to provoke a greater investment of attention to the event that is being promoted.

There is a sort of class pretension, whether intentional or subconscious, in this poster style. The use of color and glossy paper carries with it certain connotations of heightened quality. In a strictly economic sense, these materials – all else (ownership of the means of production/access to a sibling’s paper company) being equal – are more costly. The willingness to expend greater financial resources not only allows a would-be concertgoer to become “fancy” by association, but it also implies a degree of commitment and faith on the part of the artist that the music which will be heard is of an equivalently elevated class.

A New Kind of Colorblind

Yet I believe that this valuing of color has become somewhat obsolete. As a child, I had a small black and white television in my bedroom for a time, and when my parents were children, there were no alternatives. Color photography was likewise a fairly recent development, being less than a century old. The same is more or less applicable to the use of color images in printed books, which in the Middle Ages had been an indicator of significant wealth. In film, explorations of extraordinarily vivid colors and the incorporation of these colors as symbols within the narrative flow of a movie experienced a rush on currency from around the 70s-80s. The introduction of Photoshop and other software with which one can easily, digitally manipulate color to great effect has granted users the same capacity to control the colors they see (or discover) as the phonograph, Walkman, cd player, and iPod had granted in the realm of music.

It seems that some of the magic of both color and music is vulnerable to being lost as a consequence of familiarity. Though hard to conceive now, there were times in the recent past when an individual might go through his or her life without encountering a particular hue. The climate, geography, and ecosystem where one lived could mean that they would never have known the pure white of a fresh snowfall, the unearthly shades of blue which reflect in tropical waters, or the sublime red of a cardinal.

Once music had gained a foothold outside of religious spheres and folk practices, it remained evanescent for centuries more. Those who were especially adept may have been able to recall much, or even all of a work which they had heard, but there was no way to actively relive the experience of hearing. The development of chamber music which could be played in homes marked one step away from the absolute reign of the church or court, the phonograph another, the radio yet another still, and all the way to the present.

Music has become disposable. If a listener becomes distracted, all that is necessary is to rewind the piece and take another pass at it. If the duration of a movement within a Mahler symphony does not coincide with one’s mood, a few simple flicks of the thumb can transport a listener into an imaginary space with Arcade Fire, The Blind Boys of Alabama, Ke$ha, Harry Nilsson, Led Zeppelin, or a favored podcast (I would greatly enjoy the exercise of watching a citizen of the 17th-century try to decode this word).

Concluding a Cyclical Process

Color and music, two of the things that serve to make our lives vibrant, have lost some of their punch. The implications of this trajectory or solutions (if necessary) are beyond the scope of this rather broadly-scoped entry. However it is important to recognize that they are “problems” that exist.

These were some of the thoughts that were underlying the concept I had for my recital flyer. The music has been written, and I can do little now to shape whether the audience will find it to be expendable, exhilarating, or other words beginning with ex. Beyond that, the inherently subjective nature of musical taste and perception necessitates that no matter the quality or refinement of anything I compose, there is an inevitable IF “do” –>THEN “damned”; IF “do not”–>THEN “damned” factor (“Do”=”Do not”). There was, however, an opportunity to exercise agency in the realm of promotional materials.

I approached a photographer with a vague notion that I wanted a photo somehow relatable to the work of Richard Avedon. I knew that I wanted a stylized, black and white photo as the basis for whatever was to be crafted. The “whatever” that I came up with was a visual landscape that involved the segmentation and rotation of a portrait of my face into six different components. Each of these images would be used on a separate, uniquely designed flyer which would communicate the essential information about the recital (time, date, location, the classification of the event) as well as some other data (a title, the name or names of performers, etc.). This phase was carried out by a friend and co-worker with some enviable Photoshop skills.

The flyers were to be unified by a six-word motif that I crafted, the meaning and layering of which is kind of foppish, so ask, if you really want to know. These words would be placed, one per flyer, in a position that would serve to create vertices of an imaginary hexagon when all of the flyers were assembled collectively as one megaflyer. I have included a picture of the result (roughly assembled in a trial run) below. It’s impossible for me to say whether it matters or will draw anyone to the event, but I know that it meets what I had regarded as the desirable criteria of unusualness and contextual appropriateness. And thanks to the help of some friends (including my wife and a photographer’s generous and dedicated girlfriend), I have, a week and a half before the recital, already something with which I am more than delighted. I am decolored.

Megaposter.

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Your patience is appreciated!

Hello, everyone!

It’s not as if there are a ton of people who visit the site, or any who depend upon it for anything important. However, as I make the transition from the old site to the new, I appreciate your patience and willingness to come back again. The end of the semester looms large, and this will (hopefully) be my last semester of classes. Ever. So, there are lots of hoops through which I will be jumping and it may take longer than I would like to complete the update.

The next big musical hurdles to overcome are completing the acousmatic piece that I’m working on currently and then, my DMA composition recital on May 1st. Wish me luck!

Take care, and thanks for visiting,

Justin

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